Monday, October 25, 2010

7w4d - Lazy?

I’m feeling pretty unproductive these days. The combination of being “careful” about what I do and the exhaustion I am feeling about 85% of time is causing me to be a little lax on my everyday life responsibilities. Although C is always saying, “You are putting all your energy into making that baby. It’s Ok.” I don’t feel like it is. I almost feel like it may be a little mind or matter thing and I want to nip it in the bud right now. On work days, I manage to get up, get ready and spend 9 hours away from home being - scratch that - trying to be productive for work. But on the weekends and when I get home at night all I want to do is lay around on the couch. I know I’m not making up feeling tired, but I think if I push through it, I could actually get things done. I haven’t gone grocery shopping in forever (C just ends up getting take out for us); I haven’t done laundry (thank god I have about 50 pairs of undies to get me through); I thank the heavens everyday that we have a housecleaner, otherwise we would be living amongst dirt. I feel like all I do is go to work, come home, eat something and then go to sleep. I didn’t even step a foot outside yesterday. I just alternated my position on the couch to the bed and back to the couch. I actually missed a birthday party for a friend last night because I had a headache and didn’t want to get dressed and socialize. Is that bad? Am I falling into a trap?

Our friends had always teased C and I that we were busiest people they know. Our days were always jammed packed full of meetings, dinners, social engagements, get togethers, charity functions, etc. I liked being on the move – although I’m sure I kept us that busy so I wouldn’t have to think about the lack of a baby in our lives since the majority of everyone else was going home after work to be with their kids. And I am still trying to maintain our "busy" lifestyle, but I'd much rather be home in my jams, watching a movie with my dog and C of course.

But I just can't get moving. I'm sure it's normal, but I feel like I'm failing in my everyday life. Now I've never believe in the whole "wife role" thing (C and I shared the house responsibilities), but I am starting to feel like I'm not pulling my weight. And I feel bad for C because these days when he isn't working, he is renovating our bathroom. I wish I could help, but I just don't have it in me. I need to just get up and do something - I'm sure I would feel better - no? I'm torn between resting - for no other reason than I'm freakin' tired - and making myself get up and do the stuff I'd normally do ...... I guess I should just relish in the fact that there is a reason I am tired and have no energy. Right? In a few weeks, hopefully I'll feel a little more energized and then I will be having this conversation about how I need to relax more.

On a more positive, loving note - C and I were driving to a party on Saturday and I had my eyes closed because I had a major headache (I think this is a new symptom ... a constant headache that doesn't go away.) But when I opened them, I noticed that C was looking at me. I asked him what's up? He then says "I didn't think this could happen, but I love you so much more right now. The fact that you are having our baby just makes me think about you differently." I thought that was so sweet .... and then I had a panic that, god forbid this doesn't stick for the long haul and it turns out I can't carry a baby, is he going to love me less?? He assured me absolutely not. It's just that right now, in this moment I am carrying our baby, so he is feeling that love. I shut my mouth and took that as the best compliment ever.


  1. I am exhausted too!!! I am telling myself it is because I am growing babies. Rest! You deserve it!

  2. Take this time to rest when you can. Although you think you could push yourself to get stuff done, don't. You will exhaust yourself so much that even sitting on the couch for a few days will feel like work. Take this time to rest and relax before the hustle and bustle of the holidays hit.

    Oh and I see that we are ultrasound buddies. I have one on the 3 too.

  3. Girl, rest now! You will miss it when you cant. This is the last time you will be without a baby. You better enjoy being lazy and not productive. Before you know it, you will be really tired and because you are chasing a baby.

  4. C sounds like a sweetheart. Enjoy the laziness and bake that baby! (like in a good healthy baby making way)

  5. Just stumbled over here and got caught up on your story. I'm excited to stick around and see how things go. :) GOOD LUCK!

    Oh and BE and be calm and stop stressing about it. :) (easier said than done?)

  6. Just wondering if everything is okay..haven't heard anything from you in a couple of weeks!!