Our friends had always teased C and I that we were busiest people they know. Our days were always jammed packed full of meetings, dinners, social engagements, get togethers, charity functions, etc. I liked being on the move – although I’m sure I kept us that busy so I wouldn’t have to think about the lack of a baby in our lives since the majority of everyone else was going home after work to be with their kids. And I am still trying to maintain our "busy" lifestyle, but I'd much rather be home in my jams, watching a movie with my dog and C of course.
But I just can't get moving. I'm sure it's normal, but I feel like I'm failing in my everyday life. Now I've never believe in the whole "wife role" thing (C and I shared the house responsibilities), but I am starting to feel like I'm not pulling my weight. And I feel bad for C because these days when he isn't working, he is renovating our bathroom. I wish I could help, but I just don't have it in me. I need to just get up and do something - I'm sure I would feel better - no? I'm torn between resting - for no other reason than I'm freakin' tired - and making myself get up and do the stuff I'd normally do ...... I guess I should just relish in the fact that there is a reason I am tired and have no energy. Right? In a few weeks, hopefully I'll feel a little more energized and then I will be having this conversation about how I need to relax more.
On a more positive, loving note - C and I were driving to a party on Saturday and I had my eyes closed because I had a major headache (I think this is a new symptom ... a constant headache that doesn't go away.) But when I opened them, I noticed that C was looking at me. I asked him what's up? He then says "I didn't think this could happen, but I love you so much more right now. The fact that you are having our baby just makes me think about you differently." I thought that was so sweet .... and then I had a panic that, god forbid this doesn't stick for the long haul and it turns out I can't carry a baby, is he going to love me less?? He assured me absolutely not. It's just that right now, in this moment I am carrying our baby, so he is feeling that love. I shut my mouth and took that as the best compliment ever.