Last night I was laying in bed, still feeling a little ill from my case of food poisoning or the stomach flu (which C is convinced I had rather than FP.) and I was trying to prepare myself for whatever news I was going to get today. I, of course, had a bad feeling - as I have had before every other appointment, blood draw or phone call. I haven't known anything else. But amongst all the scenarios I have been playing out in my head about receiving bad news, I allowed myself to "daydream" about hearing good news and just doing that allowed me to feel all warm inside, so I decided that I needed to finally close my eyes with a little comfort that I was feeling.
I woke up this morning (back to sleeping straight through the night) and immediately remembered a dream I had. Of course it was about the morning's appointment and I turned to C and said "I dreamed it was 166 bpm" Although I was still EXTREMELY nervous, I walked into the office with a little peace inside of me.
Sitting on the table, naked bottom and all, I am armed with tissues (for either way) and this prayer card I made for myself before I was even approved for IVF. Dr. Y (female RE) comes in and I tell her I'm nervous and she asked if I have been bleeding. I answer no. I am nervous because I have never gotten good news at one of these ultrasounds. I lay back and I immediately see that the sac and the contents inside are definitely bigger. I'm staring at the screen and before I could make out what anything was, C says "I see it!" Dr. Y does confirm that what C sees is in fact a heart beat and it is strong. I finally see it in all its flickering glory. I wish now that I had asked her to stay on it a little bit longer, but I was in such shock that I couldn't even get out any words. I started to cry - both in relief that my heart won't be broken today and for the fact that another heart is beating inside of me. (God, whenever I think about that, it takes my breath away.)
So now, after seeing this miracle, I will no longer be negative. I will be positive and excited. I will let the fact that I have no pregnancy symptoms be a blessing rather than a curse. I will not doubt that I'm pregnant, because I am. My body is now living for two beating hearts.
Here is my little bean at either 6w6d or 7w1d - so I'm just going to round to 7 weeks.
And here is a little clarification on what's what in there.