Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Ovary, tears, victory and fears

I went to the RE yesterday and she said "You are responding beautifully." Those were the greatest words I've heard this whole cycle. It was nice to get a little reassurance since after every ultrasound they would just tell me to continue my dose. So my retrieval is looking like thursday. I go back in today for hopefully my last visit before the big day. My BFF and C keep referring to it as "the harvesting" - I imagine myself as a wheat field and I need to be plucked of my all my goods for the winter.
So far my right ovary is kicking my left one's ass. I kind of knew that would happen, since my left is a lazy producer (hence reason two for IVF) I think there are about 7-8 on the right growing great. The left has about 4-5 and is dragging behind a bit. I'm trying not to get concerned about the numbers. Quality over quantity is what they said. Since my right ovary is doing great, it is the most painful of the sides. It wakes me up if I move a certain way. I keep saying, just two more days! I am really hoping that I'm not bordering OHSS.

So yesterday I went into work for about two hours and decided if I want to keep my job, I need to leave immediately. I was in rare form. I hated everyone. I couldn't even have a civilized conversation regarding my new new hair cut. I packed up my stuff and said I was working from home ... and good thing I did. I cried for a HOUR straight yesterday. It was so ridiculous. I know there is no reason and I think that is the worst part. Just knowing that you have NO CONTROL over your emotions is crazy. I'll be looking forward to a little stability over the next week or two ... then when I get pregnant I know I'll be back on the crying horse, but at least I'll be pregnant!

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y! I did it! All by myself!!! What you ask? I finally gave myself my injections last night. However it wasn't out of pure willingness. It was out of necessity. C had a work dinner. He has been really great about staying close to home this whole time, but this was something he couldn't get out of. So I called my BFF to come over and do it. But she called me later and told me that her littlest one is super sick. She said she will still come over, but I realized if I were to pull a mom away from her sick daughter I would be bringing some selfish karma my way and I'm trying to look like a stand up "mom-to-be" to all the gods, angels, karma-makers, etc taking count. So I started to prepare the injections and in the middle of this, we had a crazy storm roll through. It felt very fitting. All I needed was the lights to go out and to have to do this by candlelight. I stood there holding my fat and the needle pointed at myself and just did it. And now I do feel like a big baby, because it wasn't bad. I went really slow so the meds wouldn't burn too bad, but I made it through. Donna Summer would be proud of me. I survived!

As I mentioned I'm having a shitty sleep due to the massive baby making ovary on the right side, so I woke up around 4 this morning. And as soon as I did - I felt it! A SORE THROAT! Oh god. Then it hits me - my BFF's entire family had been sick and of course we went to a bday party on Sunday with them. In my sleeply stupor, I panicked and feared "Oh god they aren't going to do the ER on Thursday. This cycle is done!" But once I really woke up, I jumped on trusty ole' Google and found out that they will still go ahead with it. But I'm not going to take any chances. I chewing on Airborne as I write. I will not let this turn into a big sick fest. Hell if I can stick myself - twice - with a needle, I can handle being sick. See I will survive. :)

Two days. Just two days until my little eggs meet a familiar friend in C's sperm. I hope there isn't much catching up to do and they just get busy!


  1. Wow only 2 more days! I hope you aren't getting sick and it is just from the lack of sleep. Congrats on finally being able to stick yourself, it's not so bad. :)

  2. Great post! I love it. I'm so glad I found your blog because now I know what I have to look forward to!