So I let myself be upset this weekend. I let myself cry and scream at anyone who would listen. I laid around and felt sorry for myself. I took off of work Monday because I just couldn't fake the smile. I know I was pregnant for like a second so technically I shouldn't be "grieving" a loss, but it is a loss. It's a loss of hope. It's a loss of that wonderful disbelief feeling that only a BFP gives you after wanting it sooo badly.
Anyhow, so now I'm moving on. Moving back on really. I've been moving on for two years ... you'd think I'd be somewhere really exciting by now. Somewhere like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory or Fiji! (I'd be equally excited about both)
My biggest concern now is what will this mean for us (insurance wise) when we move forward with IVF in the summer. I was all good with the criteria - unilateral tubal factor (got it) with no conception for 12 months (had it) So now does this mean that we aren't going to be able to move straight on to IVF? I don't know. Yes, I am aware that I did become pregnant naturally for all of those asking why I would be moving onto an aggressive treatment. I knew I wasn't 100% infertile. Dr. D (our RE) said my chances are as follows: 4% to get pregnant naturally on our own; 9-11% to get pregnant doing IUI with injectables; 54-59% to get pregnant doing IVF. So really it's all about the numbers ... plus I'm not so sure that I can go another 18 months of all of this "trying" for 4%.
Anyhow, I keep telling myself to not think about it until we have the insurance info in hand and Dr. D is saying to my face, it's not going to happen. Until then, I'm staying out of my head.