I'm in a bad spot and have been for a few days.
The last few days I have been thinking a lot about the "whys" and "hows" of all of this. My birthday is coming up in less than a month and I'm not upset at all about getting older, but the fact that it's another year without a baby is tough. Most of my friends' kids are all over 1 yr old, some as old as 3 yr and I started trying to expand our family before the majority of them. I can't believe that I've been at this for over 2 years! And still I'm without a baby to call my own.
I've been trying to live in the moment and enjoy the time C and I have without kids, but sometimes it's too much to take. My best friend has two kids (don't get me wrong, I adore them) and is out having play dates with our other friends and their kids and I can't help but feel envious of that. (I hate the word jealous, but that is probably more accurate) I know August isn't far off, but I'm really trying not to put all my eggs (no pun) in one basket - the IVF basket. What if it doesn't work? What if they won't even cover it b/c I conceived on my own last month. God I wish that never happened. It really threw me for a loop. I was all ready for moving forward, and now I don't know what to do? Do I move to onto IVF or do I see what happens for another year?
Major whining alert: I just can't believe this is my life. I should have known this would happen - I have an amazing husband, a great job, all the material stuff (house, car, etc), good friends - of course I can't "have it all." Did I sacrifice the wrong thing? Did my decision to marry later than my friends did, work towards a career and travel diminish my childbearing time? Did I do this to myself?I hate feeling this way.