7w4d - Lazy?

I’m feeling pretty unproductive these days. The combination of being “careful” about what I do and the exhaustion I am feeling about 85% of time is causing me to be a little lax on my everyday life responsibilities. Although C is always saying, “You are putting all your energy into making that baby. It’s Ok.” I don’t feel like it is. I almost feel like it may be a little mind or matter thing and I want to nip it in the bud right now. On work days, I manage to get up, get ready and spend 9 hours away from home being - scratch that - trying to be productive for work. But on the weekends and when I get home at night all I want to do is lay around on the couch. I know I’m not making up feeling tired, but I think if I push through it, I could actually get things done. I haven’t gone grocery shopping in forever (C just ends up getting take out for us); I haven’t done laundry (thank god I have about 50 pairs of undies to get me through); I thank the heavens everyday that we have a housecleaner, otherwise we would be living amongst dirt. I feel like all I do is go to work, come home, eat something and then go to sleep. I didn’t even step a foot outside yesterday. I just alternated my position on the couch to the bed and back to the couch. I actually missed a birthday party for a friend last night because I had a headache and didn’t want to get dressed and socialize. Is that bad? Am I falling into a trap?

Our friends had always teased C and I that we were busiest people they know. Our days were always jammed packed full of meetings, dinners, social engagements, get togethers, charity functions, etc. I liked being on the move – although I’m sure I kept us that busy so I wouldn’t have to think about the lack of a baby in our lives since the majority of everyone else was going home after work to be with their kids. And I am still trying to maintain our "busy" lifestyle, but I'd much rather be home in my jams, watching a movie with my dog and C of course.

But I just can't get moving. I'm sure it's normal, but I feel like I'm failing in my everyday life. Now I've never believe in the whole "wife role" thing (C and I shared the house responsibilities), but I am starting to feel like I'm not pulling my weight. And I feel bad for C because these days when he isn't working, he is renovating our bathroom. I wish I could help, but I just don't have it in me. I need to just get up and do something - I'm sure I would feel better - no? I'm torn between resting - for no other reason than I'm freakin' tired - and making myself get up and do the stuff I'd normally do ...... I guess I should just relish in the fact that there is a reason I am tired and have no energy. Right? In a few weeks, hopefully I'll feel a little more energized and then I will be having this conversation about how I need to relax more.

On a more positive, loving note - C and I were driving to a party on Saturday and I had my eyes closed because I had a major headache (I think this is a new symptom ... a constant headache that doesn't go away.) But when I opened them, I noticed that C was looking at me. I asked him what's up? He then says "I didn't think this could happen, but I love you so much more right now. The fact that you are having our baby just makes me think about you differently." I thought that was so sweet .... and then I had a panic that, god forbid this doesn't stick for the long haul and it turns out I can't carry a baby, is he going to love me less?? He assured me absolutely not. It's just that right now, in this moment I am carrying our baby, so he is feeling that love. I shut my mouth and took that as the best compliment ever.