9w5d - So many thoughts

I must have written 3 or 4 posts in the last two weeks, but never finished them. One was about my attempt to make it to the Jon Stewart rally in DC, but instead bailed and went to a haunted house. (I finally got my Halloween fix) One was about watching old movies (Teen Witch, Sixteen Candles and Empire Records), quoting the funniest lines and I even searched YouTube for clips to attach. Another one was about Guiliana and Bill and their sad, all too realistic and relate-able story and I wanted to delve a little more on the media/TV's depiction of infertility.

But needless to say, I didn't get to post any of these and when I go back to continue the saved post, I don't have anything else to say about it. My thoughts are often fleeting these days. I can't keep a thought in my head for more than 2 minutes without writing it down to remember. It's like trying to collect fireflies.

So here is what's in my head right now:

• I realized I missed both my 8th and 9th week updates. Here you go - nothing has really changed. Still no m/s, still tired, no belly and I'm still nervous as all hell every time I sleep through the night without waking up to pee, every time the progesterone suppository makes a return (TMI-you know what I'm talking about) and I brace myself in case it's a different color than white and every time I start getting crampy.

• I had my final RE appt on Nov 3rd (8w6d) It was really an amazing visit. We had a PA doing the final u/s instead of the lightening fast RE, so we actually got to see the little bean for more than 30 seconds. First thing I notice is that everything is bigger. Check. Then we see the heart beating again. Check. We asked her what the BPM was and she said it was in between 160 and 170 bpms. Nice and strong. Check. Then she continues to show us everything else ... arms, feet, heart beating again, the brain forming, the spine, the amniotic sac. Check. Check. Check. And the she gets this excited tone in her and voice and says, "Guys, guys ... it's moving. See?" C and I sat there in awe that our little one inch ba-bee is actually moving - flopping - around. She held it there for a bit so we can watch it. She measured the bean, gave us our pictures, confirmed our due date (June 9th) and said congratulations. Then she gave me orders to wean off the progesterone. I signed a release for my medical records and we bid them a farewell. Phase one: Make a baby with RE ... Check.


• I had the first of two OB appts the same day as my last RE appt. C and I rushed over to the OB and went through the motions - weight, BP, etc. Then the OB comes in and reads my chart for about 5 mins in silence (awkward!) He finally looks up and asks me if I have any questions. My first one is "Does this office deliver at so and so hospital?" He smiles and says no, not anymore. Ok. So I look at C and kind of give him the eyes that this made my decision of what OB office to go to easy. I continue with the appt in hopes that I will get ANOTHER u/s experience, even though I just had one 45 mins earlier. (I'm greedy!) We continue with the appt, an exam, bloodwork and yes - another u/s. C is asking privately the whole time "why are you letting them do all this when we aren't using them?" I tell him that I'll just have the records transferred over to the new OB office. No biggie.

Two days later, I have the second OB appt. The protocol with this office is for your first prenatal appt to be with one of the midwives. I guess they are the entry way into the practice. Now I've gone back and forth and whether or not I would actually want to use a midwife, so I welcomed this visit. I have to say C and I both really loved her. She took a lot of time with us, answered all our questions, and kind of went out of her way to make things easy for us. She didn't want to do more bloodwork or a culture since I already had one. Although she didn't do another u/s because I just had one. (only fault) We set up our first trimester screening and next visit for right after Thanksgiving and we were done. Our week of appts was finished. Now I just have to survive another three weeks without seeing my little one. I don't know how I will do it!

• I started telling more people about me being pregnant. Now I'm not out of the closet on FB, but some extended family knows and most of our friends know. I did tell work. Some people may think it's too early or whatever, but I'm starting to get a little spacey on my To Do lists, so I wanted to cover my ass and let people know that I'm not getting lazy with work, I'm just pregnant. Everyone was thrilled. Some suspected as they knew I was going through IVF. Some were surprised (I was actually surprised that they were surprised - makes me think they aren't very observant) I feel better that it's out in the open. This way when they walk into my office and my eyes are closed, I don't have to come up with some excuse. I can just say, "Get out, I'm pregnant." :)

• I received my medical records from RE in the mail on Friday. I sat down and started to read through them. Most of the information I already knew, but then I got to point of where my pregnancy started to progress. I noticed while on the PIO shots my P4 levels were 22, 28 and 32. Good. Then as soon as they moved me onto the suppositories, my levels dropped to 11 and then the last one was 15. WHAT?!? And they want me to wean off. No way, Jose. So I'm just going to prolong the weaning off process a little longer. That way it will bring me in my 11th week when I start to go every other day and I'll get off them during the 12th week. It will make me feel better. I know - if the RE was concerned, they certainly wouldn't tell me to stop. But I know me. Being on them until the placenta takes over will make me feel better. And in my world right now, keeping my sanity is a close second to keeping the baby.